Forgiveness

Andy Andrews | June 25th, 2021

Life’s Reset Button | How to use the forgiveness principle as a reset button. 

Have you ever apologized over and over and things just got worse and had no idea how this could have happened?

How does this happen? You apologize repeatedly but the results are always the same. People have pondered the loss of careers, marriages, become estranged from children. And still never knew why. 

  • This is because they couldn’t tell the difference between a mistake and a choice
  • You say, “I am sorry for the mistakes I have made.” But unfortunately, there was no reprieve, no compassion from anyone, things went from bad to worse.  
  • If you only knew consciously what everyone else had knew subconsciously
  • He didn’t make a mistake, he made a choice

The difference between a mistake and a choice

  • Walking in the woods, first time there, you get lost.It gets dark, you trip fall, and break your arm. This is a mistake.
  • As a kid your mom always told you to stay out of the woods. You’re an adult now and figure no one will know you are there.You get turned around, it gets dark, you trip, fall and break your arm.  When you get out, you are arrested for trespassing.  You made a choice.  You were told to stay out.  You saw the signs.  You made a choice to do something you knew you should have done. 

We are well versed in navigating the mistakes of other people. Effectively resolving these matters requires a different response.  We react differently to others trying to clean up their mistakes.  They apologize and we can apply a little empathy for the mistake.  We all make mistakes. but when we do make a mistake, an apology usually covers it

When someone makes a choice, the apology doesn’t go very far.  They made a bad choice but apologize for making a mistake.  They end up asking, “How many times do I have to say sorry?” When we hear a person who made a choice apologize, we ask, are you sorry or sorry you got caught? 

Only asking for forgiveness will balance the scale.  

That happened a year ago, why can’t you get past it?  

  • The argument may have ended in an apology with a mistake.  But if it was a choice the anger was likely hidden or repressed.  Asking for forgiveness ends the anger.  
  • True remorse can save the day.  The apology is the start of the process.  To cleanly press life’s reset button 4 more words will work.  
  • Genuinely, authentically ask, “Will you forgive me?” Then the healing can begin. 

Some people may feel like they will lose power, leadership when they ask for forgiveness.  Those who ask for forgiveness will gain more respect in the long run. 

Rarely do parents offer apologies or ask for forgiveness. This will cause confusion in a child and resentment in a teenager.  The conflicting moments pile up and by the time they are a teenager it is no longer a series of events it’s the reality, that neither the parent or teenager understand.  Results in excessive arguments or total silence. 

Driving with Austin, Andy had to swerve around a construction vehicle and Andy used a bad word. Austin was more shocked by the word than the truck.  He apologized for saying the word, but later how he handled it, bothered Andy.  He spoke to Austin later.  Reiterated the story from the morning and asked if he remembered.  Austin said yes.  Told him the word was a bad word.  Austin said I know.  Andy felt bad that he said it, and explained why he felt bad.  Austin was listening closely.  Andy then asked his son to forgive him for saying that word and being disrespectful.  Austin said yes, hugged him and never brought it up again.  Continued to ask for forgiveness over the years and reset the relationship each time. 

A parent who asks a child for forgiveness is cementing their relationship with the child, teaching them to err is human, but also teaching them how to respond to those situations.